Size - 14
These, are not my fat jeans:
Size - 10
And here they are - torturing me together:
FLASHBACK - DECEMBER 2009....
in December of 2009, i found myself in a similar situation to where i sit today. in one word: miserable. i weighed in at a weight that i'm still not comfortable allowing to be spoken aloud. my self esteem was at an all time low. i spent zero time focusing on me. and i couldn't take it anymore. i was positively FED UP with me.
i devised a plan that started on January 2, 2010. the goal was to end 2010 healthier than i started. i challenged myself to adopt a different healthy habit every month. this didn't just mean diet and exercise - it meant an overall focus on me so i could be happy with who i was. and by using a gradual approach - i wouldn't be overwhelmed and fail before i got going.
it was totally brilliant and it worked for me. i lost 20 pounds. felt better than i had in a long time. fit into clothes that i probably should have donated to goodwill a long time ago. but somewhere around July 2010 - it all started to fall apart.
at work - our boss "resigned" which was followed by several months of transition after transition and craziness after craziness. there was zero stability for a period of about 10 months. maybe longer. during this same time, there was also several different personal stresses at home. and in August 2011 - i started traveling for business once a month. i developed a serious emotional eating issue. i didn't realize how quickly i had lost focus or how long it had been because before i knew it - i had been off track for over a year. the time had just flown by - a mega whirlwind of craziness supplemented by chocolate and cheesy poofs.
and here i am. December 31, 2011. right back where i started. only it's worse because i had a glimpse of the other side and i know that i failed at keeping it. the 20 pounds i lost are all back - and in different places than before. because the fat jeans i wore then - are way more uncomfortable now. i can't stand to wear them. i would prefer to wear elastic black "work out" pants that i don't work out in because they are way more comfortable. i feel like everything i wear is strangling me - and the clothes that don't - make me feel like a fat slob. and i'm tired of it.....
2012 is going to be different. WELCOME TO MY JOURNEY!
i won't start on January 1. i feel that is a setup for failure. too much pressure. starting on January 2 is better. after all - that was my first step for success in 2010....
