Saturday, December 31, 2011

Introducing: My Fat Jeans!

These, are my fat jeans:

Size - 14

These, are not my fat jeans:

Size - 10

And here they are - torturing me together:


in December of 2009, i found myself in a similar situation to where i sit today.  in one word:  miserable.  i weighed in at a weight that i'm still not comfortable allowing to be spoken aloud.  my self esteem was at an all time low.  i spent zero time focusing on me.  and i couldn't take it anymore.  i was positively FED UP with me.

i devised a plan that started on January 2, 2010.  the goal was to end 2010 healthier than i started.  i challenged myself to adopt a different healthy habit every month.  this didn't just mean diet and exercise - it meant an overall focus on me so i could be happy with who i was.  and by using a gradual approach - i wouldn't be overwhelmed and fail before i got going. 

it was totally brilliant and it worked for me.  i lost 20 pounds.  felt better than i had in a long time.  fit into clothes that i probably should have donated to goodwill a long time ago.  but somewhere around July 2010 - it all started to fall apart. 

at work - our boss "resigned" which was followed by several months of transition after transition and craziness after craziness.  there was zero stability for a period of about 10 months.  maybe longer.  during this same time, there was also several different personal stresses at home.  and in August 2011 - i started traveling for business once a month. i developed a serious emotional eating issue.  i didn't realize how quickly i had lost focus or how long it had been because before i knew it - i had been off track for over a year.  the time had just flown by - a mega whirlwind of craziness supplemented by chocolate and cheesy poofs.

and here i am.  December 31, 2011.  right back where i started.  only it's worse because i had a glimpse of the other side and i know that i failed at keeping it.  the 20 pounds i lost are all back - and in different places than before.  because the fat jeans i wore then - are way more uncomfortable now.  i can't stand to wear them.  i would prefer to wear elastic black "work out" pants that i don't work out in because they are way more comfortable.  i feel like everything i wear is strangling me - and the clothes that don't - make me feel like a fat slob.  and i'm tired of it.....

2012 is going to be different.  WELCOME TO MY JOURNEY!

i won't start on January 1.  i feel that is a setup for failure.  too much pressure.  starting on January 2 is better.  after all - that was my first step for success in 2010....